There is a message at the heart of every situation, whether the situation seems pleasant, or difficult.
In every wave of emotion, discomfort, or misunderstanding, there is a seed, a gift that can help us govern our reactions. This lesson, or this seed, when perceived and recognized, can grow into a beautiful, strong and healthy tree. We can, undeniably, learn from all situations.
Learning to communicate is one of the skills that I consider essential. I consider this to be an important part of the foundation of a fulfilling life. Despite the fact that it is possible to communicate well, this ability does not come by itself. Many of my clients say that they feel a silent distance from their partner, a silent unease, the elephant in the room so to speak, a subtle unease that no one dares to admit; but nevertheless, this discomfort remains present. Others say they feel neither seen nor valued, and all conversations are filled with abrupt and unpleasant interruptions. This cause the authentic and intimate communication that initially linked the couple to gradually weakens.
In fact, it is difficult to communicate in a satisfactory way without being attentive to oneself, and to the other, without being really present. We generally operate by logic, through our intellect, and by automatism, which sometimes generates thoughtless reactions. Logic and intellect are necessary tools, of course. But often, communication requires something additional to bridge the gap of separation between us, and the lack of adaptation to the situation.
Learning to communicate is an art, and the more you practice this art, the easier it becomes.
Somewhat like painting, or practicing a certain sport.
I suggest practicing the art of being present and grounded in our body. Indeed, in our current society, we are usually in our head, and very little in contact with the messages of the body, not being anchored in our body, being absorbed in our thoughts, distant from the present moment.
Let’s explore this briefly:
How to be Grounded?
Take a few deep breaths and allow your mind to calm down momentarily. Feel the space around you, feel the earth, and imagine deep roots sinking from the bottom of your feet into the earth, tapping into the stability and peaceful presence of the earth. From this comes a feeling of being grounded and present. Walking quietly in nature, meditating regularly, and relaxation, are widely recognized techniques that I recommend.
Through hypnosis and self-awareness, we can let go of blockages that hold us back.
Embedded in the principles of hypnosis are key techniques that are adapted to our needs.
They allow us to move towards a freer, more grounded life experience.
What is Presence?
We can explain this state of being present in a preliminary way as follows: when we are present, we feel everything directly. We can feel the reactions of our body, and our emotions, along with the environment and the people around us. We can see more clearly their needs and mind state. We often forget to gently observe, look sense into other’s states. This leads to greater wisdom and ability to deal with situations, accordingly. When we are present, we can also find our true self, the wiser, more authentic, balanced part of us.
When our mind is calm, it is grounded and present. We can thus better understand and feel others, as well as all our experiences with acuity.
When we are present, we come to feel others, from an open-minded perspective, and without judgment. We thus perceive others with compassion.
Understanding that everyone has their own fears and insecurities, we can respond, react with kindness. In my experience, this kindness leads to satisfaction, and this, for all, even if it is not always obvious, at least at the beginning.
Certain situations can be powerful, complex and create difficult triggers; this can keep us from being grounded and present. When this is the case, these situations can be observed carefully, so that we can learn from them. Self-compassion is key here. It is a learning, a process. Of course, it is good to learn to discern what the possibilities are in our relationships because they can lead to a conclusion that seems inevitable. We may need to move away from an unhealthy relationship.
But there are many ways to reconnect and experience a deeply rewarding sense of respect, friendship and love. It starts with the desire to improve ourselves or our situation. I offer individual or couple sessions. In a few meetings, the relationships soften and improve. Trying to solve our problems on our own is not always easy. Having the objectivity of a trained coach will help steer this process in the right direction. If you are interested in a private or couple session, contact me.
Lynne Cardinal (c)